Lord of the X
by Thanatophobia
Summary: This is LotR with the X-Men cast directed by me. And my first fanfic, so don't flame me too hard. Please?
1. The Start or so I thought

DISCLAIMER: I don't own X-Men: Evolution, Lord Of The Rings or Pokémon. But I do own the sombrero (More about that later).

Now that I'm done with that, let's get started!

SABERTOOTH: No! I'm not doing this part! Never!

Oh, yes you will, and if you don't youll-

(Blob is chased past Mewtwo 34 and Sabertooth by 500 baby Bulbasaurs.)

BLOB: I'll play the Balrog I'll be a great Balrog! Just save from these.... THINGS!!

BULBASAURS: Bulba! Saur! Bulba! (Read us another story or DIE!!!)

I'm sorry, too late. Someone else got that part.

BLOB: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! (Disappears in the horizon.)

Now where was I? Oh, right. And if you don't, you'll be babysitting my Jigglypuffs!

SABERTOOTH: (Extremely panicked) Okey. Okey. I'll do it.

Goood boy. (Scrathes him behind the ear.) Can we NOW get started?


	2. Prologue

DISCLAIMER: "You can run, but you can't hide. Cause I'm gonna rock your world." 

MYSTIQUE VOICEOVER: The world has changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth.      I smell it in the air.

SCOTT: Actually, I think that's just Toad.

TODD: Hey!

MYSTIQUE VOICEOVER: Much that once was, is now lost, for none that lives has any memory of it.

_The Lord of the X_

M.V.: It began with the forging of the great Rings.

(Someone pours white goo into a cuplike mould.)

M. V.: Three were given to the elves, immortal, and wisest and fairest of all beings.

(Mystique and two... random guys get a ring each.)

M. V.Seven were given to the dwarflords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls.

(Seven Forge clones pick up one ring each from a table.)

M. V.: And nine, nine were given to the race of Men, who above all else wants power.

(Duncan, Taryn, Principle Kelly, Alex, Amara, Tabitha, Sam, Scott and Ray (Yes, that _is nine ), all with white hair, hold up their Rings.)_

M. V.: For in these Rings were the strength and will to rule over each race. But they were all deceived. 

           Deep in the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the dark lord Apocalypse forged in secret a master Ring, to control all others. 

           And in this Ring he poured his cruelty, his malice, and his will to dominate all life.

           One Ring to rule them all.

PYRO: One Ring to find them.

            One Ring to- KRRAASH!

M 34: Thank you,Toad.

TOAD: (With a frying pan in hand.) No problem at all.

M. V.: And one by one, the free lands of Middle Earth fell to the power of the Ring.

(Map of Middle Earth turning dark.)

M.V.: But there was some who resisted. A last alliance of Men and elves marched against the armies of Mordor, and on the slopes of Mt. Doom they fought for the freedom of Middle Earth.

(Thousands of Jamies march up led by Mastermind and Cannonball. They battle equally many orcs. And slaughter them!)

M.V.: Victory was near.

Cannonball: Yaaaaahh! (Stabs his sword up in the air.)

M.V.: But the power of the Ring could not be undone.

(Everyone stares horrified at Apocalypse, who just entered wearing a black and yellow sombrero.)

TODD: Yo, I thought it was gonna be a spiky helmet?

M 34: Sorry, didn't get to borrow it.

(Apocalypse starts sending out his his psychoblasts, knocking Jamies up in the air. Sam runs up on him from behind, but gets blasted to a rocky hillside.

Rogue (who we haven't really noticed before) runs up to him.)

M.V.: It was in this moment, when all hope had faded, that Rogue, daughter of the king, picked up her fathers sword.

(Rogue realizes that Apocalypse is looming over her. She reaches for the sword, but Apocalypse steps on it, causing it to break.

He then reaches for her. She swings what's left of the sword against his hand, sending ALL of his fingers flying. 

The one with the Ring lands right in front of the camera. Apocalypse become shiny and explodes The sombrero flaps slowly to the ground.)

M.V.: Apocalypse, the enemy of the free people of Middle Earth, was defeated.

(Rogue picks up the finger with the Ring and watches it crumble in her hand.)

M.V.: The Ring passed to Rogue, who had this one chance to destroy evil for ever. But the hearts of ..humans are easily corrupted.

(Rogue rides through a forest with the Ring on a necklace.)

M.V.: And the Ring of Power has a will of it own.

(Rogue gets ambushed by orcs. Next you know, she's floating in a river.)

ROGUE: (Muttering) I can't  believe I'm doing this. It's freezing!

M.V.: It betrayed Rogue to her death.

(The Ring falls down between some water plants.)

M.V.: And some things that should not have been forgotten, were now lost.

          History became legend, legend became myth, and for 2500 the Ring passed out of all knowledge.

          Until, when chance came, it ensnared another bearer.

(Someone blue and furry picks up the Ring and looks at it.)

BEAST: My Prrecioussss..

M. V.: The Ring came to the creature Beast, who took it deep into the tunnels of the Misty Mountains. And there, it consumed him.

(We're in a cave with lots of broken teacups. Someone big and fuzzy is sitting on a rock in the water.)

BEAST: My own. My love. My own. My Precioussss.. Gollum!

M.V.: The Ring brought to Beast unnatural long life. For 500 years it poisoned his mind. And in the gloom of Beast's cave it waited.

(The full moon shines.)

M.V.: Darkness crept back into the forests of the world. Rumors grew of a shadow in the east....

(River with ripples in the water.)

M.V.:  ....whispers of a nameless fear.

(Sunset)

M.V.: And the Ring of Power now perceived, its time had now come.

(The Ring falling down on the rocky floor of Beasts cave.)

M.V.: It abadoned Beast. But something happened then, the Ring did not intend. It was picked up by the most unlikely creature imaginable.

STORM:  What's this?

M.V.: A hobbit.

(Storm looks at the Ring.)

M.V.: Ororo Munroe of the Shire.

STORM: A ring.

BEAST: (in the background) Lost!! My Precious is lost! 

(Storm puts the Ring in her pocket.)

(Great big landscape shot.)

M.V.: For the time will soon come, when hobbits will shape the fortunes of us all.


	3. Meet Gandalf!

DISCLAIMER: Everyone loves a slinky! You gotta have a slinky! 

I don't own Ace Ventura either.And by the way, Spikey the Neon BlowFish, Storm IS the size  of a hobbit. 

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 **_The Brotherhood of the Ring_**

****

(Evan is sitting under a tree, reading a book.)

_                 The Shire_

_                60 years later_

XAVIERS VOICE: (Singing) Down from the door where it began...

(Evan gets up.)

XAVIERS VOICE: (Still singing) ....And I must follow if I can...

(Evan runs of grinning.)

(Xavier is wheeling along a road in his wheelchair, which is pulled by a pony.)

XAVIER: The Road goes ever on and on

                Down from the door where it began

                Now far ahead the Road has gone...

(Pretty random shot of Evan running down a hillside.)

XAVIER: ...And I must follow if I can.

EVAN: (Standing on the side of the road) You're late!

XAVIER: A wizard is never late, Evan Daniels. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.

Evan and Xavier stare at each other until they start laughing.)

EVAN: It's wonderful to see you, Professor! (Jumps into Xaviers wheelchair and hugs him)

XAVIER: You didn't think I would miss your auntie Os birthday?

(They ride through the beautiful place more commonly known as the Shire.)

EVAN: What news of the outside? Tell me everything!

XAVIER: Everything? You're far too eager and curious for a hobbit. Most unnatural.

(They cross a bridge.)

XAVIER: Well, what  can I say? Life in the wide world goes on much as it has this past Age. Full of its own comings and goings. 

Scarcely aware of the existance of hobbits, for which I am VERY thankful.

(The Hobbiton Market. Need I say more?)

JUBILEE: It's Charles Xavier! (Waves)

(Evan and Xavier ride on)

XAVIER: Oh! The long expected party!

(Lots of hobbits trying to set up a tent. Bobby and Ray puts up a banner saying "Happy Birthday Ororo Munroe")

XAVIER: How is the old weather witch? I hear it's going to be a party of special magnificence.

EVAN: You know auntie O She's got the whole place in an uproar.

XAVIER: Well, that should please her.

EVAN: Half the Shire's been invited.

XAVIER: Gracious me. 

EVAN: She's up to something.

XAVIER: Oh, re-hee-hee-heeally?

EVAN: All right then. Keep your secrets and imitate Ace Ventura. Before you came along, we ....err....um...

OFFSTAGE PYRO: (whispers) Mutants, mate, mutants.

EVAN: We mutants were very well thought of.

XAVIER: Indeed.

EVAN: Never had any adventures or did anything unexpected.

XAVIER: If you're referring to that incident with the dragon, I was barely involved. All I did was giving your aunt a little nudge out of the door.

EVAN: Whatever you did, you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace.

XAVIER: Really?

(They pass Duncan, who glares at them.)

DUNCAN: Why'd all the good parts go to muties?

(Little kid-hobbitified Amara runs past a chimney and down to the road.)

AMARA: Professor! Professor!

(She is joined by the other New Recruits (all shrunk-down).)

NEW RECRUITS: Fireworks, Professor, fireworks!

(Taryn walks up to Duncan and stares shocked at the New Recruits.)

(The wheelchair is almost around the bend, with all the New Recruits looking disappointed, when they suddenly get fireworks!)

NEW RECRUITS: (Jumping up and down) YAAAAAAY!

(Evan smiles. So does Xavier. Duncan laughs until Taryn starts glaring at him.)

EVAN: (Now standing in the wheelchair) Professor? I'm glad you're back.

XAVIER: So am I, dear boy.

(Evan jumps off and starts going whereever he is heading.)

XAVIER: So am I.

(BIG landscape shot from a river to Bag End.)


	4. Last chapter before the PARTY!

DISCLAIMER: "God creates dinosaurs, God destroys dinosaurs, God creates man, man destroys God, man creates dinosaurs." "Dinosaurs eat man, woman inherits the Earth.."

Thank you everyone for the great reviews! 

Just two things I wanted to say; I'm not a dude, Ner'ual of Say'lar. I'm a dudette. And the only Pokémon participating in this story will be the 500 Bulbasaurs.

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(Xavier wheels in through the front porch, leaving the pony outside. On it there's a sign saying "No admittance except on party business" (the porch, not the pony).

(Xavier knocks on the door with Remys bo-staff.)

OFFSTAGE REMY: Be careful! It was a birthday present!

STORM: (From inside the door) No thank you! We don't want anymore visititors, wellwishers or distant relations!

XAVIER: (Telepathicly speaking) And what about very old friends?

(Storm opens the door.)

STORM: Charles?

XAVIER: Ororo Munroe.

STORM: My dear Charles! (Runs up to him and hugs him (and since he's in a wheelchair, he's just the right height!)

XAVIER: Good to see you. 111 years old! Who would believe it? (stares at her) You haven't aged a day.

STORM: Come on, come in!

(Storm holds the door open so Xavier can wheel in. Xavier bumps the bo-staff into the door ledge.)

OFFSTAGE REMY: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

STORM: Welcome, welcome. Oh, here we are.

(Storm closes the door.)

STORM: Tea? Or maybe something a little stronger? I've got a few bottles of the old Winyard left. 1296. VERY good year. Almost as old as I am.

(Storm takes Xaviers hat and puts it in a corner.)

STORM: It was laid down by my father. What say we open one, Charles? (Goes to the kitchen.)

XAVIER: That sounds nice, err, I mean just tea, thank you. 

(Xavier tries wheeling into the kitchen, but crashes into a chandelier with the bo-staff. Then he runs into a wall.)

OFFSTAGE REMY: Remy can't take this anymore! (Runs onstage, snatches the bo-staff and runs back.) Are you all right, Precioussss?

STORM: (Babbling from the kitchen) I was expecting you last week, Charles. Not that it matters. You come and go as you please. 

Always have and always will. You caught me a bit unprepared. We've only got cold chicken and a bit of pickle.....

(Xavier wheels into a livingroom.)

STORM: There's some cheese here. No, that won't do. We've got raspberry jam, an appletart......

(Xavier picks up a map and looks at it.)

STORM: But not much for afters.

(The map shows a big mountain with a dragon.)

STORM: Oh no, we're all right. I just found some sponge cake.

(Storm enters the livingroom staring at the sponge cake.)

STORM: I could make you some eggs if you'd-

(Storm looks up from the cake and realizes that Xavier has left the room.)

STORM: Hunh? Charles?

XAVIER: (Poking his head out of the kitchen) Just tea, thank you.

STORM: Oh, right, hehe. You don't mind if I eat, do you?

XAVIER: No, not at all.

JUBILEES VOICE: Ororo! Ororo Munroe!

STORM: I'm not at home! I've got to get away from these confounded relatives hanging on the bell all day...

(Storm runs over to the kitchen window, looking out.)

STORM:  ....never giving me a moments peace.

 I want to see mountains agains. Mountains, Charles! And then find somewhere quiet where I can finish my book. Oh, tea.

(Storm takes the kettle of the fire.)

XAVIER: So you mean to go through with your plan?

STORM: Yes, yes. It's all in hand. All the arrangements are made.

(Xavier lifts the lid off the tea pot with his mind.)

STORM: Oh, thank you. (Pours the tea into the pot.)

XAVIER: Evan suspects something.

STORM: Of course he does. He's a mutant, not some blockheaded footballplayer from Hardbottle.

XAVIER: You _will_ tell him, won't you?

STORM: Yes, yes.

XAVIER: He's very fond of you.

STORM: I know. He'd probably come with me if I asked him. 

I think in his heart, Evan's still in love with the Shire. The woods, the fields. (Dreamily) Little rivers.

(Stands in silence for a minute) I am old, Charles. I know I don't look it, but I'm starting to feel it in my heart.

(Storm fondles the Ring, which is in her pocket.)

STORM: I feel.....thin. (Sits down) Sort of stretched, like butter scratched over too much bread. 

I need a holiday. A very long holiday. And I don't expect I shall return. In fact I mean not to.

(Xavier and Storm is sitting outside, smoking, looking down at the party field.....)

STORM: Old Toby. The finest weed in the Southfarthing.

(Storm blows a smoke ring. Xavier then blows a smoke plane that flies through Storms ring (not THAT one, silly.)


	5. Time to shake that tail! Party, party PA...

DISCLAIMER: Master! You promised _me_ eternal life! But you're giving it to the pretty woman!

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(BIG fireworks explode into the sky. "The Ketchup Song" plays, while everyone is partying! Evan too. He's doing the silly Frodo jig (hey, don't tell me YOU don't think it's wierd!) Kurt (wearing his image inducer) is throwing shy glances at Amanda dancing. Storm is welcoming her guests.)

STORM: Hello, hello. Blobby Dukes, lovely to see you. Welcome, welcome.

BACKSTAGE LANCE: Who's watching the Bulbas?

BACKSTAGE SCOTT: Guess three times. Hey! Get off my glasses!

(A big, white strawberry cake passes by.)

(Evan lands next to Kurt.)

EVAN: Come on Kurt. Ask Amanda for a dance.

(Amanda is doing the Macarena.)

KURT: I... I think I'll just have another Pepsi.

EVAN: (Laughing) Oh, no, you don't! 

(Evan pushes Kurt into Amanda, so they start dancing. Gandalf sends up another rocket. Storm is telling the little hobbitkids about her wild adventures.)

STORM: So there I was, at the mercy of three monstrous Sentinels. And they were all arguing among themselves how they were going to kill us. Whether it be turned on a spit, or to sit on us one by one, squash us to jelly.. They spent so much time arguing abouy the withertos and whyfors that the rains first drops started falling over the top of the trees..... CREEK! And turned them all to rust!

(Gandalf picks fireworks from a wagon, then he wheels off to fire them.)

(Pyro is peeking out from behind the wagon, and hits the tent. Todd crawls out of it.)

PYRO: (Staring) Where's Gambit?

TODD: At the psychiatrist, yo. I got the part instead.

PANICKED BOOMING VOICE FROM ABOVE: Did he say which psychiatrist?

TODD: He mentioned some wierd name.....maybe it was Lectes?

EVEN MORE PANICKED BOOMING VOICE FROM ABOVE_: OH MY GOD! I HOPE I GET THERE IN TIME!_

TODD: What was that all about?

PYRO: Ain't got the slightest idea, mate. (Shrugs.) Maybe we should continue this scene?

TODD: Okey.

(Todd hops into the firework cart and picks up a rocket.)

PYRO: No, NO! The big one! Big one!

(Todd picks up a big rocket shaped like a dragon.)

PYRO: YEAH!

(Todd takes off with the rocket (not literally), while Pyro stares dreamily at the rest of the fireworks for a while, before Todd drags him away.)

(Pyro and Todd are inside a tent. Todd lights the rocket.)

TODD: Done!

PYRO: You're supposed to stick it in the ground, mate! (Pushes the rocket on Todd.)

TODD: It is in the ground! (Pushes it back.)

PYRO: Outside! (Forth)

TODD: Yo, this was your idea! (Back)

(The rocket is obviously sick of getting pushed around, and takes off, taking the tent with it. It also leaves Todd and Pyro lying on the ground with black faces.

Everyone else admires the rocket. Until it explodes. Then it turns into a dragon and comes down to attack them.)

EVAN: Auntie O! Watch out for the dragon!

STORM: Nonsense. There hasn't been a dragon in these part for a thousand years.

(Evan drags Storm down, just as the dragon passes right over their heads and continues over the river, where it explodes.)

ALL NON-MUTANT HOBBITS: Oooo… Pretty colors…

PYRO: That was brilliant!

TODD: Let's get another one!

(Xavier wheels up behind and grabs their ears.)

TODD & PYRO: Youch!

XAVIER: St. John Allerdyce, and... Todd Tolensky? This was _totally unexpected!_

(Todd and Pyro are doing the dishes under Xavier's supervision.)

TODD: WHY did it have to be with SOAP?

ALL NON-MUTANT HOBBITS: Speech, Ororororo..Err.....Speech!

EVAN: Speech!

(Storm goes up on a barrel. Everyone watches her.)

STORM: My dear Danielses and Drakes (applause), Tolenskys and Allerdyces (more applause), Smiths (more), Crisps (applause), Madroxes (more), DaCostas (applause) and Dukeses!

BLOB(Sitting on a half-crushed chair): Dukesees!

(Everyone laughs.)

STORM: Today is my 111th birthday!

(Everyone applauds.)

SUNSPOT: Happy birthday!

STORM: But alas, eleventyone years is far too short time to live among such excellent and admirable hobbits. 

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.

EVERYONE: Hunh? 

(Xavier and Evan smiles.)

STORM: I.....

(Evans smile fades.)

STORM: (With one hand in her pocket) I have things to do.

(Everyone is now staring at her, and Xavier looks worried.)

STORM: (Whispering) I've put this off far to long. (Loud) I regret to announce that this is the end! I'm going now. I bid you all a very fond farewell.

(Evan looks at her.)

STORM: (Whispering) Good bye.

(Storm vanishes.)

EVERYONE: Woow! (Blob falls off his chair and lands on Tabitha.)


	6. Goodbye, Storm

DISCLAIMER: We're not shy. We're contagious.

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(The gate at Bag End opens by itself. So does the front door.)

(Inside Bag End, Storm takes her ring off and laughs) 

STORM: GWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

(Then she tucks it back into her pocket. She picks up a walking stick and goes into the livingroom.)

XAVIER: I suppose you think that was terribly clever.

BACKSTAGE PYRO: How'd he get up there so fast?

BACKSTAGE PIETRO: Let's just say that the wheelchair's a lot heavier than it looks like.

STORM: Come on, Charles. Did you see their faces?

XAVIER: There are many magical rings in this world, and none of them should be used lightly.

(Storm starts packing down stuff, and then turns around.)

STORM: It was just a bit of fun. Oh, you're probably right as usual.

(She walks over the fire.)

STORM: You WILL keep an eye on Evan, won't you?

XAVIER: Two eyes. As often as I can spare them.

(Storm walks over to a bookshelf and pulls out a journal.)

STORM: I'm leaving everything to him.

XAVIER: What about this ring of yours? Is that staying too?

STORM: Yes, yes. (Packs the last things) It's in an envelope on the mantelpiece.

(Xavier tries to check the mantelpiece, but he can't reach it.)

STORM: No, wait. It's ..(Checks her pocket)...here in my pocket.

XAVIER : Why didn't you just SAY that?

(Storm takes up the ring and looks at it.)

STORM: Isn't that..... Isn't that odd, now? Yet after all, why not? Why shouldn't I KEEP it?

XAVIER: I think you should leave the ring behind. Is that so hard?

STORM: Well, no. And yes. And perhaps a little bit maybe.

Now it comes to it, I don't feel like parting with it. It's mine! I found it! IT CAME TO ME!

XAVIER: May I suggest Anger Management Counseling?

STORM: I don't need it! If I'm angry it's your fault!

STORM (Wierd Voice): My oown. (Her eyes start to glow) My Precious.

XAVIER: Precious? I thought I was...I mean... It's been called that before, but not by you.

STORM: By who? And what business is it of yours what I do with my own things!?! (Growls)

XAVIER: I think you've had that ring quite long enough.

STORM: (Holding up her fists, ready to fight) You want it for yourself!

XAVIER: ORORO MUNROE!

(Storm backs terrified away.)

XAVIER: Do not take me for some cheap memory re-writer!

BACKSTAGE MASTERMIND: What's wrong with memory re-writing? And could somebody tell me where Gambit went?

XAVIER: No, Jason, nobody knows. And Storm, I am not trying to rob you. I'm trying to help you.

(Storm still looks scared, but she hugs Xavier anyway.)

XAVIER: All your long years we've been friends. Trust me as you once did. Let it go.

STORM: You're right! The ring must go to Evan!

(Storm picks up her backpack.)

STORM: It's late. The road is long. Yes it is time.

(She opens the door, and is about to go out.)

XAVIER: Storm! The ring is still in your pocket.

(Storm takes out the ring while Xavier is closing up. Sloooowly she turns her hand, so the ring falls down on the floor. Then she skips out the door. On one foot.)

STORM: I've thought up an ending for my book: And then she became a world famous rock star, who sold billions of records, and lived happily ever after to the end of her days on the money.

XAVIER: And I'm sure you'll try, my dear friend.

STORM: Good bye, Charles.

(They shake hands.)

XAVIER: Goodbye, dear Storm.

(Storm starts skipping down the road.)

STORM: (Singing) Puff the magic draaagon lived by the sea....

XAVIER: Until our next meeting.

STORM: Did you say anything, Charles?

XAVIER: No! Not really.

STORM: Oh. (Continues singing) He brought him strings and sealing vaw and other fancy stuuff!


	7. Keep it secret, Keep it safe

DISCLAIMER: They'll squeeze the jelly out of your eyes. Actually, that's quite good on toast.

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(Xavier is staring at the ring. The ring is staring back at Xavier. He tries to pick it up, when SUDDENLY! there's a flash of a big, pink, flaming eye.)

XAVIER: M...Maybe I'll j-just wait for E...Evan.

(Xavier is sitting by the fireplace, smoking.)

STORM VOICEOVER: It's mine. My own. My Precious.

XAVIER: Riddles in the dark. Such a lovely chapter. I loved "The Hobbit".

BACKSTAGE MAGNETO: Oh, no! First he gets a dream and now he's talking to himself!

EVAN: Auntie O! (Opens the door and runs in) Auntie Oo!

(Evan notices the ring and picks it up.)

XAVIER: My Precious. Precious.

EVAN: She's gone, hasn't she? (Starts walking towards Xavier) She talked for so long about leaving, I didn't think she'd really do it. 

(Looks at Xavier) Professor?

(Gandalf looks at the ring, then at Evan. Then at the ring again, then back at Evan.)

EVAN. What?

XAVIER: Storm's ring. She's gone to stay with the elves. She's left you Bag End.....

(Xavier holds a CD cover open, and Evan puts the ring in it. Then Xavier shuts the cover and hands it to Evan.)

XAVIER: .....along with all her possessions. The ring is yours now. Put it somewhere out of sight.

EVAN: I'll just leave it with my school books.

(Xavier starts to leave.)

EVAN: Where are you going?

XAVIER: There are some things that I must see to.

EVAN: What things?

XAVIER:  Questions. Questions that need answering. AND I think I left the bathtub running.

EVAN: You have a house and you never told us? I don't understand.

XAVIER: Neither do I. Keep it secret. Keep it safe.

(Xavier leaves. Evan takes a look at the CD cover in his hand.)

EVAN: The Professor listens to BRITNEY SPEARS!?!

~¨~ AT THE DUNGEONS OF BARAD-DÛR ~¨~

(Somebody is torturing a little cage. With blue, furry arms sticking out of it.)

BEAST: Shire! Munroe!

(The gates at Barad-Dûr opens, and nine ringwraiths wearing orange cloaks jump out on pogosticks.)

(Xavier wheels to the outskirts of Mount Doom to enjoy the show.)

(Xavier applauds.)

(He then heads to Minas Tirith to study it's ancient comics.)

XAVIER VOICEOVER: Issue 208, year 3434 of the Second Age. Here follows the account of Rogue, High Queen of Gondor and the finding of the Ring of Power.

It has come to me, the One Ring. It shall be a heirloom of my kingdom. All that should follow my bloodline will be bound by its fate, for I will risk no hurt to the Ring.

It is precious to me, though it triggered my mutant power into manifesting. The markings upon the band begin to fade. The writing, which at first was clear as red flame, has all but disappeared. A secret now that only fire can show.

BACKSTAGE PYRO: YAAAAY! FIRE! BURN! HAHAHA HAHAHAH!

BACKSTAGE KITTY: AAAH! Like, my hair is like, totally on fire! Somebody like, put it out! 

~¨~ MEANWHILE, BACK AT THE SHIRE ~¨~

(Jamie is chopping wood in front of a house, when husky-form Rahne starts barking angrily. Then she gets scared by a ringwraith and runs into the house.)

RAHNE (Inside the house) : That he's riding a pogostick is one thing, but ORANGE CLOAK?!

RINGWRAITH ( Caliban's voice): Shire. Munroe.

JAMIE (Scared) : Munroe? There's only one Munroe in the Shire and she lives in Hobbiton with her nephew Evan Daniels. (Points) That way.

(Caliban jumps off.)

(Evan and Kurt are leaving The Green Dragon Inn.)

AMANDA: Good night.

KURT: Good night.

(Evan and Kurt walk over to Bag End.)

KURT: Buh-bye.

EVAN: Good night, Kurt.

(Evan goes into the house. It looks pretty crashed. Someone grabs Evan's shoulder.)

EVAN: AAAAAAHH! Pleasedon'tkillmepleasedon'tkillmeI'lldoanything- Oh, It's just you, Professor?

XAVIER: Is it secret? Is it safe?

(Evan searches through a chest, finds the CD cover and gives it to Xavier.)

EVAN: Here!

(Xavier throws it on the fireplace.)

XAVIER: Weren't there supposed to be a fire there?

(Amara walks up on the stage and turns into a flame girl. Then she lights the fireplace and dances like a Russian off the stage.)

AMARA: I....hate....Pyro.

EVAN: Why'd you throw it on the fire?

(By now, the flames have melted away the cover. Xavier picks up the ring with his mind.)

XAVIER: Hold out your hand, Evan, it is quite cool. I hope. (Drops the ring in Evan's hand.) What can you see? Can you see anything?

EVAN: Nothing. There's nothing. No, wait.... There are markings. Some form of Elvish. I can't read it.

XAVIER: There are few who can. The language is that of Mordor, which I will not utter here.

EVAN: Mordor? What the *biiiiiiiiiip* does it say on the *biiiiiiip* ring.

OFFSTAGE STORM: Evan! You're NOT allowed to speak Mordorian onstage!

XAVIER: In the common tongue it says:  One Ring to rule them all....

OFFSTAGE PYRO:  One Ring to find them

                                  One Ring to bring them all

                                  And in the darkness bind them!

                                  In the land of Mordor where shadows lie.

XAVIER: Umm, yeah right. This is the One Ring, forged by the Dark Lord Apocalypse in the fires of Mount Doom, taken by Rogue from the hand of Apocalypse himself.

EVAN: Auntie O found it. In Beast's cave.

XAVIER: Yes. For sixty years the Ring lay quiet in Ororo's keeping, prolonging her life, delaying old age. But no longer, Evan. Evil is stirring in Mordor. The Ring has awakened. It has heard its master's call.

EVAN: ........Auntie O's gonna die? And Apocalypse was destroyed. Right?

RING (Whispers): Isildur....Oh wait, he's dead.

(Evan and Xavier stare at the Ring.)

XAVIER: Mystique?

OFFSTAGE MYSTIQUE: Yes, darling ?

(Evan and Xavier stare even more at the Ring.)

XAVIER: No, Evan. Apocalypse's spirit survived. His life force is bound to the Ring, and the Ring survived. Apocalypse, has returned. His orcs have multiplied. His fortress of

Barad-Dûr has been rebuilt in the land of Mordor. Apocalypse needs only this Ring to cover all the lands in a second darkness. He is seeking it. Seeking it, all his thought is bent on it. The Ring yearns above all to return to its masters hand. They are one, the Ring and the Dark Lord. Evan, he must never find it.

EVAN: All right. We keep it hidden. We never talk about of it again. No one knows it's here, do they? Do they, Professor?

XAVIER: There is one other who knew that Ororo had the Ring. I looked everywhere for the mutant Beast, but the enemy found him first. I don't know how long they tortured him. Amidst the endless screams and insane babbling they discerned two words:

_VERY_ REALISTIC BEAST VOICEOVER: Shire! Munroe!

EVAN (Distressed) : Shire. Munroe. (Long thinking pause) But that'll lead'em here!

~¨~ AT THE BORDERS OF HOBBITON ~¨~

(A ringwraith is jumping along the road up to Kitty.)

KITTY: Hey! Like, who goes there?

(The ringwraith slashes her head off (She'll be back for the next movie, don't worry.)

~¨~ BACK AT BAG END ~¨~

EVAN: Take it, Professor! Take it!

XAVIER: No, Evan, no.

EVAN: You must take it!

XAVIER: You cannot offer me this Ring!

EVAN: I'm giving it to you!

XAVIER: Don't...tempt me, Evan! I dare not take it. Not even to keep it safe. Understand Evan, I would use it from a wish to create understanding between mutants and humans. But through me, it would wield a power too great and terrible to imagine.

EVAN: But it can't stay in the Shire!

XAVIER: No! No, it can't.

EVAN: What must I do?

(Evan rushes about, packing for the journey.)

XAVIER: You must leave, and leave quickly.

EVAN: Where? Where can I go?

XAVIER: Get out of the Shire. Head for the village of Cheddar.

EVAN: Bree. Okay. And what about you?

XAVIER: I'll be waiting for you, at the Inn of My Little Coney.

EVAN: And the Ring will be safe there?

XAVIER: I don't know. I don't have any answers. I must see the head of my order. She is both wise and powerful. Trust me Evan, she'll know what to do. You'll have to leave the name of Daniels behind you, for nobody likes that name outside of the Shire. Travel only by day. And stay OFF the road!

EVAN (Posing in a Frodo costume, cape and all, and a skateboard) : I can skate through country easily enough.

XAVIER (Smiles): My dear Evan. Hobbits really ARE amazing creatures! You can learn all that there is to know about them in a month, and yet after a hundred-and-three years, they can still surprise you.

(Leaves are rustling outside.)

XAVIER: Get down!

(Evan throws himself on the floor. Xavier wheels over to the window, looks out cautiously, then whack an umbrella that stood  by the window into the bushes.)

KURT: Ouch!

(Xavier picks up Kurt (without image inducer) with his mind and drops him on the table.)

XAVIER (Mad) : Confound it all, Kurt Wagner! Have you been eavesdropping?!

KURT (Terrified) : I have been dropping no eaves, honest. I vas just cutting the grass under the window here, if you follow me. (Holds up a bush cutter thingy.)

XAVIER: A little late for trimming the verge, don't  you think?

KURT: I h-heard raised voices.

XAVIER: What did hear? Speak!

KURT: N-n-n-nothing important. That is, I heard a great deal about a Dark Lord and a Ring, and something about the end of the world, but...

Please, Herr Professor, don't make me think I'm a six year old girl!

XAVIER: Perhaps not. I have thought of a better use for you.


	8. GAAAAAHH! Attack of the Bulbas!

DISCLAIMER:  Don't you people EVER die?

I'm awfully sorry for not updating, but since my computer is a vicious hellbeast from Hades, it commited suicide when I almost was finished. 

But in this chapter it will finally be revealed what the Bulbasaurs are used for! You don't care? To bad for you.

(The following morning, outside.)

XAVIER: Come along, Kurt, keep up! Be careful, both of you. The enemy has many spies in his service: sparrows, snails, strange guys with facial tattoos.. Is it safe?

(Evan pats his short pocket.)

XAVIER: Never put it on, for the secret agents of the Dark Lord will be drawn to its power. Always remember, Evan, the Ring is trying to get back to its master. It wants to be found.

(Xavier wheels off, leaving Evan and Kurt in a forest.)

(Random shots of Evan and Kurt skating along countryside and streams.)

BACKSTAGE ROGUE: Where'd the other skateboard come from?

(Evan walks along a cornfield. Kurt follows behind, then suddenly stops by a scarecrow.)

KURT: This is it.

EVAN: (Turns around) This is what?

KURT: I take one more step, it'll be the the farthest avay from home I've ever been.

EVAN: C'mon Kurt. Remember what auntie O always used to say...

STORM VOICEOVER: It's a dangerous business, Evan, going out of the door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's  no knowing where you might be swept off to.

EVAN: Auntie O? Where are you?

KURT: Okay. (Bamfs two feet forward.)

(Later, Kurt is setting up a tent.)

EVAN: Great! I totally forgot to bring my own tent!

KURT: Umm...No thank you! It was edgy enough in the original movei!

(It starts to rain.)

EVAN: Aaww... (Folds up an umbrella from his backpack.)

(A Ringwraith stares on the Shire.)

CALLISTO: This really is a beautiful sight.. Oh wait, I'm not supposed to talk right now...

(Xavier wheels swiftly into Isengard. Jean with white hair descends down the steps of Orthanc to greet him.)

XAVIER: YOU'RE PLAYING SARUMAN?!? BUT WHY?

JEAN: I can't tell you why. I... I have no choice.

(Xavier gives her a very odd look.)

JEAN: Smoke rises from Mt. Doom. The hour grows late and Charles Xavier rides to Isengard to seek my counsel. For that is why you have come, isn't it... my old professor?

XAVIER: Jean Grey. (Bows.)

(Jean is wheeling Xavier through the gardens of Isengard.)

JEAN: And you're sure about this?

XAVIER: Without any doubt.

JEAN: The Ring of Power has been found.

XAVIER: All this years it was in the Shire, under the very wheels of my wheelchair. Wait a minute, that explains why the ground there always was so bumpy!

JEAN: And you didn't have the wit to see it. Your love for the halfing's weed has clearly slowed your mind.

XAVIER: But we still have time. Time enough to counter Apocalypse if we act quickly.

JEAN: Time!? What kind of time do you think we have?

(Jean and Xavier are conferring in the chambers of Orthanc.)

JEAN: Apocalypse has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet take physical form, but spirit has lost none of its potency.

Councealed within his fortress, the Lord of Mordor sees all – his gaze pierces earth, wind, water, fire and... shadow!

You know of what I speak,  professor – a great Eye, lidless.... circled by Bulbasaurs.. (Shudders.)

XAVIER: The Eye of Apocalypse.

JEAN: He is gathering all evil to him. Very soon he will summon an army great enough to launch an assault upon Middle Earth.

XAVIER: You know this? How?

JEAN: (Proudly) I have seen it!

(Jean wheels Xavier into a big round room with a table in the middle.)

XAVIER: A Cerebro is a dangerous tool, Jean.

JEAN: Why? Why should we fear to use it?

(Jean unveils the Cerebro helmet, which is lying on the table.)

XAVIER: They are not all accounted for, the lost Seeing Hats. We know not who else may be watching! (Throws the blanket over Cerebro again.)

(The Eye of Apocalypse flashes!)

JEAN: The hour is later than you think. Apocalypse's forces are lready moving. The Nine has left Minas Morgul.

XAVIER: (Shocked) The Nine!?

JEAN: They crossed the river Isen on Midsummer's Eve, disguised as riders in black.

XAVIER: They've reached the Shire?!

JEAN: They will find the Ring..... and kill the one who carries it.

XAVIER: Evan!

(Xavier heads towards the door, but Jean closes it with her mind. Then she closes all the other doors.)

JEAN: You didn't seriously think that a hobbit could mess with Apocalypse? There are none who can. Against the power of Mordor there can be no victory. 

We must join with him, professor. We must join with Apocalypse. It would be wise, my friend.

XAVIER: Tell me, "friend". When did Jean the Grey abadon wisdom for madness?!

JEAN: RAWR! I'll get you!

(Jean throws Xavier out of the wheelchair with her mind.

Xavier throws Jean down on her back. They battle back and forth, until Jean gets a determined look upon her face.)

JEAN: I choose you, Bulbasaur!

(A Bulbasaur appears from nowhere.)

JEAN: Vine whip, Bulbasaur!

(The Bulbasaur wraps its vines around Xavier, making him unable to move. And he's WAY to shocked to use his incredible mind powers.)

JEAN: I gave you the chance to aid me willingly. But you ............have chosen............. the way of pain!

(Jean  throws Xavier up to the top of Orthanc.)

JEAN: Good job, Bulbasaur.


	9. A Shortcut to Chocolate

Sorry, but the DISCLAIMER got sick, and is at home barfing slugs.

(Kurt out on a path in the middle of a corn field. He looks around, but he is aaall alone.)

KURT: Evan? Evan? Err... MISTER Evan?

EVAN: (Sticking his head out from around a corner) Yeah?

KURT: (Relieved) I thought I lost you.

EVAN: What are you talking about?

KURT: I'ts just something the Professor said.

EVAN: What did he say?

KURT: He said: "Don't you lose him, Kurt Wagner." And I don't mean to.

EVAN: (Laughing) Kurt, we're still in the Shire. What could possibly happen?

(Suddenly Todd hops out of the corn field, carrying more or less a ton of candy, and crashes into Evan.

Pyro crashes into Kurt the second after, also carrying lots of candy.)

TODD: Spyke? Pyro! It's Evan Daniels!

PYRO: G'day Spyke!

KURT: Get off him! (Throws Todd of Evan) You alright?

EVAN: What's the meaning of  all this?

PYRO: Hold this. (Loads half of his candy onto Kurt)

KURT: You've been into farmer Gauntlet's crops again!

EVAN: He grows candy?

TODD: Hey, don't ask me, I'm not directing, yo!

BACKGROUND GAUNTLET: Just wait till I get you! Stay out of my fields!

(Todd grabs Evan and hops away. Of course Evan can't hop, so he's pretty much dragged off. Pyro follows, while Kurt just stares at all the candy in his hands.

Until he realizes that farmer Gauntlet has a chainsaw. Then he bamfs away with the candy.)

PYRO: Dunno why he's upset. It's only a couple of pixie sticks!

TODD: And some candy canes. And those few bags of cookies that we lifted last week, and the chocolate the week before!

PYRO: Yes! My point is, he's clearly overreacting! Run!

(Todd, Pyro and Evan manges to stay on the ground, but Kurt crashes into them from behind and knocks everyone off a cliff.)

TODD: (Looking at a bathtub right by his face) Wow! That was close!

PYRO: I think I broke something! (Pulls out a broken pixie stick with the powder running out. Very sad sight, believe me.)

KURT: Takes a Acolyte and a Brotherhood!

PYRO: What?! That was a detour, a shortcut!

KURT: A shortcut to what?

TODD: Chocolate!!

(Everyone rushes towards the chocolate, except Evan, who trips. Now he's just standing on the road, looking..)

TODD: That's mine!

PYRO: Here's a good one.

EVAN: Maybe we should get off the road.

(Sounds of a pogo stick going BOING, BOING, BOING down the road.)

EVAN: Get off the road! Now!

(Everyone grabs their stuff, crosses the road and hides under a root on the other side.)

PYRO: Get your hands of my stuff, bunyip face!

TODD: That's mine!

KURT: Shhhh! Cut it out! Be quiet!

(Todd and Pyro cuts it out. Evan looks up through a hole in the root and sees a Ringwraith, dressed in a black cloak with pink bunny ears on the hood and a bunny tail on the back.

It approaches the tree and rests its hand on the root, hissing and sniffing.)

RINGWRAITH: What IS that smell?

(Bugs and worms start crawling out of their holes. One of them is stupid enough to try crossing Todd.)

TODD: Mmmm, spider!

(Evan enters a trance, and his hand starts to move towards the Ring. Kurt realizes this and smacks Evan over the head with a fish, bringing him out out of the trance.

Pyro throws a bag into the forest to distract the Ringwraith. When it leaves to follow the sound, our heroes run run for lives!)

PYRO(After they have stopped): What was that?

EVAN: My backpack!

PYRO: Not that! What was that thing in black? A bad movie serial killer?

(Night. A Ringwraith is patrolling the area, while everyone else is hiding behind trees.)

TODD: Anything?

EVAN: Nothing.

TODD: What's going on, really?

EVAN: We're shooting Lord of –

PYRO. Not that, stupid! That black Rider was looking for something... or someone. Spiky?

KURT: Get down!

(Ringwraith passes by.)

EVAN: I have to leave town, okay? Kurt and I have to get to Cheddar.

PYRO: Riiiight.... Blackberry Ferry. Follow me.

(Our heroes make their way to Blackberry Ferry. Suddenly, another Ringwraith crosses their path and starts chasing them. Evan trips over his backpack (the one Pyro threw away), 

but gets up again.)

TODD: Aaaaahh! This way, follow me! Run!

PYRO: Get the rope, Nightcrawler!

(Pyro and Kurt each uncoil an anchoring rope while Todd starts to push off.)

KURT: Evan!

TODD: I just knew we forgot something – err, someone!

EVAN: Go!

PYRO: Run Spyke!

(Evan jumps, and lands head first on the raft. The Ringwraith stops short of the water.)

RINGWRAITH: The one day I forget my swimsuit and they take a raft! What kind of a world is this?!

(The Ringwraith rides away to the left, and is followed by two others.)

EVAN: How far to the nearest crossing?

PYRO: Brandywine Bridge. Nearly twenty miles. (Grins.) To the right.


	10. Cheddar the Town

DISCLAIMER: Do you seriously think I would be writing fan fiction if I owned X-Men: Evolution? Or anyone else here?

( Except for Wally. But he doesn't count. Yes, this means that everyone else in the entire chapter exists. In people's imagination.)

(Everyone is standing outside a big gate. In the pouring rain. And the only one that has an umbrella is Evan. Oh well. Now he's knocking at the gate.)

GATE: Ouch! Why are people always hitting me? What did I ever do to them? Don't they –( A guy in a piratey hat smacks the gate open. For some reason there's a card in the hat.)

GATEKEEPER WEARING A PIRATEY HAT: (In very monotone voice) What do you want?

EVAN: We're heading for My Little Coney.

GATEKEEPER WEARING A PIRATEY HAT: (Still very monotone) What business brings you to Cheddar?

EVAN: We're gonna stay at the inn, and-

KURT: (Interrupts) And our business is none of yours!

GATEKEEPER WEARING...AWW, YOU KNOW IT BY NOW! : Alright young sirs, no offence. Mr. Hat told me to watch the gate and ask nosy questions. Have a nice day.

(They enter Cheddar, and walk through the crowded streets. For some reason, everyone in town are wearing various hats with cards tucked in them.)

GUY IN THE STREET WEARING A LADY HAT WITH LOTS OF FRUIT ON: 'Twas Brillig, and the slithy toves, did gyre and gimble in the wabe.....

(They finally find My Little Coney. Except someone has stuck a poster with a picture of a Cheshire Cat and the word "Wonderland"  over the inn sign.

Inside, they are met by a guy in a blue suit and a very big top hat. On the top hat is a note saying "In this style 10/6".)

EVAN: Excuse me?

GUY IN A TOP HAT: No room! no room! Oh wait, you're hobbits. In that case we have some nice comfortable hobbit-sized rooms available. Mr. ....?

TODD: Schmevan, his name's Schmevan!

EVAN: Yeah, I'm .....Evan Schlevan!?

GUY IN A TOP HAT: Schmevan. Hmm...... I'm the Mad Hatter, by the way. Have some wine.

KURT: What?!?

EVAN: We're friends of Charles Xavier. Could you tell him we've arrived?

MAD HATTER: Xavier? Xavier?Ohhh yes! I remember, elderly chap, bald as a bowling ball, chair with wheels.. Not seen him since before the March Hare went mad.

(Evan and Kurt slowly starts to back away, Pyro is busy setting someone's trench coat on fire, and Todd is looking confused.)

KURT: What do we do now?

EVAN: I dunno!

TODD: I don't see any wine....

REMY: Aaaaahhh!! Not my trench coat!

(Our heroes are seated by a table in the common room of My Little Coney. Actually, it's more like a tea parlour. Most of the people there look pretty odd. 

Specially the guy that's dressed as a scarecrow. And the one that looks like a clown. And that guy with question marks all over his clothes. Not to forget to one with the split-up face.

He's weeeeeird. Evan and Kurt look nervous, possibly because the Mad Hatter insists on drinking tea with them.  )

EVAN:  He'll be here, Kurt. He'll come. At least I hope so.

   (Pyro comes down from the bar with a BIG tea cup. A guy that looks like a human crocodile bumps into him.)

HUMAN CROCODILE DUDE: Get out of Killer Croc's way!

PYRO: Killer Croc? (Shrugs and heads for his seat beside Todd. Todd already has a normally sized tea cup.)

TODD: What's that?

PYRO: This, mate, is a pint of tea, with way too much sugar and caffeine. It'll probably make me extremely hyper and cause me to burn the whole inn down.

TODD: Wicked! I'm getting one! (Rushes to the bar)

   KURT: You've already had five cups!

(After a while, Kurt nudges Evan.)

KURT: That fellow's been doing nothing but staring at us since we arrived. (Points at a guy in the only shadowy corner in the whole joint)

EVAN: Excuse me, Mr. Hatter, that guy in the corner, who is he?

MAD HATTER: He's one of them Bandersnatches. Dangerous creatures they are – all wandering the wilds. What his real name is I've never heard, but around here, he's known as

Wolverine.

EVAN: Wolverine…

(Evan starts playing with the Ring. Suddenly, the Ring starts whispering.)

RING: Daniels. Daniels.

EVAN: Woow… It talks!

RING: Daniels. Daniels! Daniels!

TODD: Daniels!

EVAN: Hunh?

TODD: (over at all the weirdoes talking) Sure I know a Daniels! He's over there, Evan Daniels. (Points) He's a mutant from the Xavier Institute.

 Actually, there's a whole army of 'em there. They're kinda like the local crime fighters, if you follow me. (All the people are taking notes.)

GUY DRESSED AS A SCARECROW: And do any of them have any crippling phobias?

(Evan rushes over to stop Todd from babbling.)

TODD: Well, Daniels is mortally afraid of -

EVAN: Toad! (Slips one some straw that mysteriously lies on the floor, and starts to falling in sloooow motion, dramatically throwing the Ring up in the air.)

RING: Aaaaaaaaahh! I'm afraid of heights!

SCARECROW: You are? (Griiiins)

(The Ring lands exactly on Evans finger, making him disappear.)

PEOPLE: (Gasp) What the……?

(Without any warning, Batman crashes through a window.)

PEOPLE: BATMAN?! AAAAAAAHH!! (Run away in various directions)

MEANWHILE, AT THE RINGWRAITHS

(One Ringwraith is hopping along a road on his pogo stick, singing.)

RINGWRAITH: Now far ahead the road has gone…. (Senses something) Wait a minute! The Ring's in Cheddar! (Turns around and starts hopping back.)

BACK AT MY LITTLE CONEY

(Evan is now in the Shadow World.)

EVAN: Huh? Where am I?

(I SAID YOU'RE IN THE SHADOW WORLD!!)

EVAN: Oh. (Spots a greats Eye, lidless, circled by Bulbasaurs….) Eep!

EYE: You cannot hide! I see you! There is no life in the veil…I mean void! Only death!

EVAN: Yikes! (Wriggles the Ring of his finger.)

(Evan reappears at Wolverine's table. Suddenly he is grabbed from behind.)

BATMAN: Oooops, my mistake. Here. (Hands him over to Wolverine)

WOLVERINE: You draw far too much attention to yourself, Mr. "Schmevan"! (Drags him up the stairs)

(Wolverine opens the door to his room, tosses Evan in, follows and shuts the door. Evan gets up and backs up against the wall.)

EVAN: What do you want?

WOLVERINE: A little more caution from you. That's not exactly a cheeseburger you're carrying.

EVAN: (Pulls out a cheeseburger from his pocket) It's not?

WOLVERINE: (Groans) I wasn't talking about THAT! (Walks over to the window and puts out the candles)

I can avoid being seen if I feel like it. But to disappear entirely, that is a rare ability.

EVAN: W-who are you?

WOLVERINE: Are you frightened?

EVAN: Y-y-y-y-y….

WOLVERINE: I'll take that as a yes. But you're not nearly frightened enough. I know what hunts you.

(The door crashes open. Wolverine unsheathes his claws. Kurt, Todd, and Pyro rushes in, armed with a lighted candlestick, a fire poker and a wooden spoon.

KURT: L-let him go! Or I'll have you, Badger!

WOLVERINE: You've got guts Elf, but that won't save you. You can't wait for Chuck anymore Evan. They're coming.

NIGHT AT THE GATES OF CHEDDAR

GATEKEEPER: (Through the open gate) Who's there?

(The Ringwraiths jump through the past the gatekeeper. You can hear the pogo sticks going BOOING, BOOING, BOOING in the distance five seconds later.)

GATEKEEPER: They didn't answer. How rude! (Pouts)

(Meanwhile, the Nazgûl have made their way into the hobbit room. All the hobbits are asleep. Aaaww. The Nazgûl pull out mallets from their cloaks and start to slam them on the hobbit beds. Then they pull back the sheets to reveal….. empty beds.

    RINGWRAITH #2: AAAARGH! I hate it when that happens! I HATE HATE HATE IT! (Throws a hysterical fit)

RINGWRAITH #3: (Talking in a cell phone) Sandnes Asylum? He's doing it again, could you send someone over?

RINGWRAITH #2: I KNOW! I'M NOT SCARY ENOUGH! IF I WERE REALLY, REALLY SCARY THEY WOULD BE TOO TERRIFIED TO RUN!

(Several men in white coats sneak through the door)

RINGWRAITH #2: AND FOR THIS PLAN I WILL NEED: A FEW VOODOO DOLLS, A MALLET AND A CHEESE SANDWICH! MWAHAHAHAH – (Is ambushed

by the men in white coats, who puts a strait jacket on the Ringwraith. Then they take it away, while it's screaming and kicking.)

(Cut to the room where the hobbits actually slept until Ringwraith #2 went nuts. They're all happily munching popcorn and enjoying the show. Okay, maybe not Evan.

He looks pretty nervous. And Logan looks annoyed. But other than that, they're just fine!)

EVAN: W-what are they?

LOGAN: They USED to be Morlocks. Mutants that lived in the sewers. Then Apocalypse the Sombrero Dude gave them ten Rings of Power.

TODD: (Scratching his head) I thought it was only nine Ringwraiths?

LOGAN: There is. One of them, Wally I think he was called, lost his Ring. Anyway, blinded by their greed, they took the Rings without reading the fine print first.

One by one falling into darkness. Except for Wally, who was busy trying to make Bracelets of Power. Somehow it never took off, so instead he invented the hula hoop.

Now the other nine are slaves to Apocalypse's will,. They are the Nazgûl, Ringwraiths, neither living nor dead, and scary as….

KURT: A level 10 Danger Room session?

LOGAN: Something like that. At all times feeling where the Ring is. Drawn to the power of the One. And they're never gonna stop hunting you. Ever.


End file.
